Leave now if you don't like people tearing off on occasionally
self-righteous #%*#&%* sessions.
Right. Thanks for stopping by.
This rant is for July 9th, 2001. And it's going to get me sniped.
I know it.
(While the original quote following was referenced to us from a friend, we
changed details because no one needs their personal correspondances bandied. Much.)
"About characters talking to you during conversations... I know your pain.
Hotohori: And what is that supposed to mean,
hmm? *arches a brow*
Tasuki: I don't care, just stop Tamahome from trying to sleep with me?
Miaka: Do I know what's going on? EEK! Everyone's getting so violent!
Miaka: Tamahome! Why have you forgotten me? *WEEP*
Chiriko: Please kill me.
It happens to me too. But at least
yours don't fight."
No. We rip each other apart from the baseline up.
This is a rant about fangirls who use soulbonding as a clique.
This is a rant about the times we've sat there and nodded mildly
to people demanding special treatment because of their characters--for
otherwise, said characters would *whine* and we wouldn't want that,
would we? It's about the times we've had to wade through huge gallery
listings like the ones here where authors seem dedicated to the
soul purpose of showing off how 'weird' and 'wacky' they are. And
how much 'pain' they have to go through on a daily basis of annoyance
and so we mere mortals should respect them more as a result.
"Which isn't to say that having multiple
personalities isn't insanity; all I mean is that there's a difference
having a character in your mind that helps you cope, and having
more than one personality. Multiple personalities may be the next
step, maybe a SB gone wrong (Fight Club, anyone?) but it isn't your
basic SBing, in my opinion."
Thanks! And here I thought that the purpose of the other people
in my head *was* to cope.
I'm fine in general even about SBing as it is, but it can get rough
with other people's characters. If you're going to take someone
else's work and fit them into your group, whatever it is, no matter
how much you can say *they* intruded on you, you could be respectful
enough to that creator or possibly just realize you're doing an
interpretation. I've seen enough of 'my visions are accurate
no matter what because they're a SB' to fill a lifetime.
Maybe it's only us that this sort of thing grates on. There's the
simple fact that we could be liberally peppering our words with
phrases of how 'terrible' it is to keep company with Ariel (and
it is) (A: Hey!). We could even go on endlessly about how 'ultimately
wicked' Winter Court is and how others outside should fear and respect
But we don't. Because it's not only rude, but it's in a completely
different field than the daily outside world that we interact with
others in. How can you expect them to react? Force them to offer
you cookies because a bishonen is demanding them loudly? Whenever
we have that happen with the kids, we just go out and get them.
Still, we're had all these behaviors pushed on us by various people
claiming the soulbond stamp like a mark of superiority. In order
to have something to say when they start talking about their 'children
of Fei and Bart', we are forced to nod blankly, coo over their coolness
factor, or chime in with stories of our own. And we're just not
going to do that.
We could post up endless random arguments by each other to 'show
off' how 'wittily insane' we are too. My. Could we ever.
But we don't, not only because it's poor taste--it forces your
conversational partners to be nothing but audiences--but also because
it doesn't contribute a thing to the topic at hand. I don't feel
like advertising nearly half the various lines that go by in here
and definitely not because it's 'expected'.
"Do you know how difficult it is to be
in class and have him sitting on my shoulder asking me to draw yaoi??
No, I don't know what that's like. I know what it is to be kept
awake at night when desperate for sleep for Sammi's presentation
tomorrow by Laric rambling on in argument with Lexa over some hair-splitting
point or the other. I know what it's like to try and pay for my
dinner in a restaurant and discover that Sparrow took my paycheck
and bought expensive art supplies instead, or that Kyth gave it
all away to the first homeless person he saw. I know what it's like
to be confronted by a disgruntled coworker while I search my memory
desperately to see if someone said something wrong that I must now
fix, or if he just hasn't had his morning coffee.
I know what it's like to sicken and have people panic to find who
is affected by the medication or not and so should be forced up
front to take it and endure it. I know what it's like to discover
that someone accidently ate something someone else was allergic
to and they've just stepped out long enough to start the chain reaction.
I know what it's like to feel my own self dissolving under the needs
of others to take my preset space. I know what it's like to wake
up and have to check if this is actually my bed or not.
To be swamped under the demands of popular pretty-boys? No. I don't
Do I feel jealous? Damn right I do. Because soulbonding,
even though it's not exactly given kosher standards by all of society,
is still more widely acceptable than multiplicity. While half of
us are still trying to fight against poor therapists and media standards
that scorn, many soulbonders are glorying in their freedom across
fan communities everywhere. It's not 'freakish'--it's 'cool.' 'Oh
no, you have Id in your head, you poor thing.' 'Isn't it annoying
to deal with Trieze--he's such a manipulative bastard, I don't know
how I manage to endure him.' The soulbonding label is one that
comes across as less restrictive--one that you can just stop talking
about with little fuss if people start pounding down your door with
holy water in their hands. Mind, that's just an impression, but
it's a bitter one brought on by far too many fangirls shoving how
'complicated and full' their heads are in comparison to mine.
I want gods in my head. I want angels instead of Morgan's
sexist swill that creeps around the edges of my thoughts, unwanted.
I want things that I can shrug innocently to while feeling special
all the while. But we're all mortal in here. We're all aware that
we're effectively human. Our only glories are the things we can
make on our own, not those borrowed from an anime creator.
No, I don't know what it's like. Because whenever I have someone
less than glorious, less than a Perfect Soldier or a Chosen of the
Gods, their failings can't be blamed on some pre-scripted 'tragic
past.' Their narrow-mindednesses, their squabblings, their pettinesses--they
all come from here, from us, and we do not have the luxury of blaming
a game. In fact, as multiples, if we even dare to pick up even
a halfway copy of a character, we immediately destroy any hopes
of validity in the psychological community. We become delusional,
dreamers without a shred of reality to ground us, insane. Everyone's
existence is immediately called into doubt, no matter how mainstream
they are. Look at them, they have *video game characters* they
consider real. They must *all* be wish-fufillment personalities.
Someone tell me how Morgan and James are wishes for me. Or wait--don't.
The freedom to have the types of people in your head that you
want. All the benefits and none of the flaws, because in the
worst case, you can always pass it off as a 'writer's creations'
instead of as some horribly dirty and flawed 'disease' in the eyes
of society. Damn right I'm jealous. Being able to ramble
out all the words in one's head instead of clamping down on them
because to do so would be to clutter up the outside conversation.
But primarily, it's also a shortcut to feeling connected to something
else or to a character you've always admired. As a friend of mine
wrote once, most of these people could wake up the next morning
with no SBs, and it wouldn't change their lives overly much.
And there are good and responsible SBers. I know one--we never
get plagued by the same sort of 'I'm out of control but it's my
SB so you should all just pander to me' that we get from
another. She will only admit even halfway to SBing, and only in
an oblique, shy manner--never the strident announcement that others
make as if now expecting the world to lay out the red carpeting,
or as proving membership in a special club. And it's just as hard
for SBers. I won't deny that. People call them just as crazy as
they do us.
So sorry if we want to be taken seriously. So sorry if we have
to do things like balance our checkbook instead of running around
enacting yaoi fantasies--that we have to be mundane things of the
earth. So sorry for not being able to be special.
Do I want to be given more consideration than a video game fragment
that only exists to fill a fan's quota? Yes.
Will I be fine if compared to a person who started with qualities
of a manga character, but who grew and adapted to daily living?
Yes. Because there's a world of difference in there.
But oh yes. Mine don't fight. We just dismantle one another.