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Writings : Essays
If We Could Do Everything
by Silence, 7/10/01


I'm one of the weak ones, and people tell me this a lot. I'm on the side that worries, just like Lexy, and we bother other people all the time with fretting. Without us, everyone would be a lot less stressed. But we and other worriers are here, so a lot of our head's space is filled with constant double-checking. What if people think we're being rude to them? What if we say something bad? Aren't we supposed to be able to adapt as much as we have to to keep smooth relations with others?

What if the other multiples out there don't like us?

What if we're just wrong at what we are?

Lately, a lot of people have been speaking up to put down their thoughts, and Lexy and I read them later to hope so much that no one out there takes it the wrong way. But there are so many different views in here and most of us don't even follow the same path of thought when it comes to all these possibilities of what we might be.

If we could do everything, just like we /should/ be able to if only we were less attentive to ourselves and more to others, then we would be able to come up with a way of phrasing things that wouldn't offend anyone at all. Logically, I know that means we'd be silent. And especially with so many other multiple groups out there, it's almost a given that we're going to make /someone/ flare up and yell at us.

But this is all done without harmful intent. No one here really wants to force their declaration of their reality on another's group, and definitely not when Reb-for-Summer's shooting dark muttering looks over the table at Laric-for-Traveling as he casually spreads marmalade on his toast.

I guess what we're saying is that we want, just for a little, to be able to act as our individual selves without staining the rest of the collective.

Can that be done? I mean, everyone in here knows that what the group errs at, the group must repair. But also this site is about multiplicity and individuals specifically--can't it be understood that what Reb might hate, Sammi might like, or what Laric thinks won't be agreed to but anyone save the Traveling Court?

But I also wanted to apologize to all our visitors. Because no one here really wants to offend anyone just by our individual or group opinions, and we're just as likely to love /and/ hate a topic all at once.

And I know they'll let me post this too. Because, by the same laws that force us to at least respect each other so we in turn can be respected, the weaknesses I know I have can be allowed to exist too. The failings I have occasionally do keep people from speaking too stridently, and the decisions to smooth down a rough word here and there are useful ones. Just like different viewpoints everywhere are good, if they're in us or in others or in things we might not agree with.

So we'll worry. But we'll be all right in the end, I guess, even if we might be technical hypocrites as a whole while simply diversified as people.